They should make "Hororscopes" instead of horoscopes. Being a random list of what could possibly kill you that day... For example:
Aries: Beware of low flying birds!
Taurus: Remember, bulls aren't the only thing that can "gore" you.
Gemini: The bus to hell departs at 10:30 sharp today.
Cancer: Avoid everything the color green or you shall surely die.
Leo: That mole you have may be cancer.
Virgo: Take heed of your eye floaters. They are actually psychic warnings of whom is plotting your demise.
Libra: All Pisces are your enemy, get them before they get you!
Scorpio: Beware contaminated drinking water.
Sagittarius: You may be a vampire, just in case, avoid sunlight and renounce Christianity.
Capricorn: Aliens have invaded. Prepare to be assimilated.
Aquarius: You are harboring the Anti-Christ in your womb. If you are a man, expect one really wicked shit this evening.
Pisces: All Libra are your enemy, get them before they get you!
